Sunday, December 9, 2012

blast from the past

"The truth is, I just feel lost. It's like I'm drowning in monotony, in a body of water called "my life," and there is nothing I can do because I've already been pulled under. I'm just waiting for the end."

I wrote that over a year ago in regards to leaving for college and wondering what in the world I'm doing with my life. So much in my life has changed since then, but I still feel kind of the same. I have an infinite amount of questions going through my head all the time but I never have any answers. I let "what ifs" dictate my life and I over-think everything. I spend my free time studying, babysitting, watching movies. I'm boring. 


And don't get me wrong, I like who I am. I just feel like there are so many things I could be doing but at some point I decided being responsible is more important than being spontaneous or crazy or daring. The people I used to do the most ridiculous things around aren't a part of my everyday life anymore. I look back on those memories and wonder what happened and I just feel old. I'm only 19. This shouldn't be happening yet! 


The problem is I don't have a way out. It's so hard to change and I don't know how to make it happen. I guess I'm stuck here. 


Beyond that, I'm going a little crazy with other things in my life. I'm not really in a position to broadcast those issues on the internet so I'll just say that those of you who need to know already do, and everyone else can just send me happy thoughts or positive energy or whatever you're into and call it good!


"On top of everything, I just wish someone could tell me to stop worrying.
And that I'd be able to listen."

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